Eternity...

"Why should I stay here? Why should I stay" - a deep melancholic and ominous voice called out to me. The call reverberated and varied in intensity as though the voice was swaying around me like a ghost. I tried to open my eyes, but just like the many things in my life, I only partially succeeded. I saw ghostly forms in reddish hue, like the wind whipped clouds during an unusually bright sunset. The bright transient shapes, the haunting voice and my increasingly lucid sensations, despite my now almost paralytic physical senses prompted one thing to me - Nirvana. I smiled, smiled like an enlightened monk. I found answers to the questions that eluded me all my life. I moved out of my body and flew effortlessly, with arms wide spread. I was transcending higher, crossing the intangible boundaries between mental and physical states - of thought and action, of real and surreal. Just like the first rays of light clear frost from the leaves, undeveloped thoughts of my past were getting clearer with each passing moment - washed by the new found rays of enlightenment.

During this process of self-cleansing, a particular image from the past seized my senses. As I stared at it, it grew on me. If each emotion can be represented by a spectrum of light, this particular image acted like a prism and produced a bright array of colors, unlike any I have ever seen before. Is this real or just a projection of my sheer willingness to see her, my vulnerability magnified and exposed? But then what is reality, if not the manifestation of our thoughts in to physical and metaphysical, maybe even the paranormal? Past is imagined and then projected on to the theater of our mind – constructed from half remembered thoughts and blurry images. Isn’t then present an imagination of our future selves? This is paradoxical as long as we assume that we live in a world where past, present and future occur in that order. What if our mind works in a different dimension, in which this is not the natural order of things? Does this coupled with the fact that there is no absolute reality, just as there is no absolute space and time, makes everything imaginary?

With the newfound clarity of thought, came a renewed sense of purpose. I snapped free from the shackles of the present and drifted effortlessly towards Shalini in a state of mental meditation. She looked at me intently – her gaze so intense, that I for a moment mistook it for indifference. As I grew closer to her, I could see myself transforming in to my younger self – to a time when we were together and to a place that I felt I no longer knew. Have you ever seen two white clouds approaching each other in a blue sky – how they coalesce, unify, become one and then transform in to nothing? But the fleeting time during which they come together and unify is timeless – fleeting from the perspective of the viewer, but in a dimension that only they know, the feeling is eternal  - time stops. Think of black holes, where time stops because of the gravitational field. From the perspective of the viewer, anything approaching and unifying with black holes is consumed and destroyed instantaneously. Reality as seen from within the black hole though is eternal.  

After what felt like an eternity, I was finally close to her. I pulled her closer to me, in fact so close that I could feel the slight convulsions in her body, to which now I was as much a part of as the reason. I ran my fingers on her soft arms, with the other hand pulling her closer, ever closer, to me. I stared in to her eyes, stared in to them so intently that I was getting lost in the complex matrix of brown crater like formations. As if rescuing me, she ran her fingers down my hair, pulled me back and started kissing me, kissing me with a passion that was primitive and wild. Like two primordial and wild beasts, we were over each other, playing a dangerous game of love and passion. As the feelings grew stronger, I could see her and me drifting away, disappearing in to the void and I could no longer see us…

PS- I woke up with a heavy head. Despite the pain, I smiled as I realized that she and me were making love for eternity, in a dimension untouched by and unknown to anyone. Inspired by Laxmi, Thom Yorke and Einstein...

Destiny and Happiness..

It was a heavenly sight. The sky above was as clear as my mother’s thoughts and the stars like her eyes seemed to shine brighter than ever, as though to outshine my inner darkness. A cool breeze flew sending a chill down my spine, but it was strangely comforting. My vision was blurred and there I was, lying on the Ocean bed with the thoughts of a lifetime around me. Emotions overflowed from within and filled the void around me. The Ocean bed resembled my mother’s lap, the stars her eyes and the Universe her face. The cold and comforting cool breeze was like my dad – all pervasive and filling my senses. They were a testimony to my existence on earth and ironically the very same people (in the form of Universe) stand as an alibi in my death. As soon as the realization struck me, there was a bright light and everything was illuminated. I could sense myself melting and being in oneness with the Universe. I felt weightless. This wasn’t death I conjured, this was rebirth.

   There was a sudden jolt and I opened my eyes. I realized that my flight just had an emergency landing at the Mumbai Airport. That explains the weightlessness, screamed the logical dude inside me. But the dream was no coincidence, this I was very much sure of. God doesn’t play dice with the Universe, there had to be some special reason why I was here in Mumbai. Instantly I decided to spend a day in Mumbai.

   As soon as I came out of the Airport, I checked my messages and one particular message brought a smile on my lips. It read – ‘Someone is missing the bastard badly. Love you’. It was from Shalini - my fiancé.  She was bubbly and smart, but was sometimes a pain nonetheless. We were madly in love and that explains it all. I hired a cab and reached the continental, hoping for a day of solace and introspection. In the mad rush of racing ahead and the adamant focus on reaching the destination we tend to leave our inner self behind and in the course of time, we lose our identity. To be in oneness with my inner self, I needed my days of solitude and this was just one of them.

   I reached my hotel and slipped in to my Boxers - I guess to fight with my own thoughts. It was raining outside and I missed her. She had this strange fantasy of sitting on the balcony wall, with my arms wrapped around her for support and getting kissed wildly. I not only loved the idea, I took it to next level and made her go wild. I had to persuade her to get down after that because not just she, even I was losing control and I couldn’t afford to let her down (literally!). Putting aside her thoughts, I went in to the balcony, stood in the rain and closed my eyes. I could see the rain drops drifting down my bare chest and for reasons unknown, I felt relieved. I felt all my inhibitions being washed away and felt pure and blessed. Bryan Adams was playing in the background. I came inside and had a warm shower. I had friends in Mumbai, but decided not to meet anyone. I instead preferred a walk along the Marine Drive. I came out of the hotel and hired a taxi.

   Rain subsided, but the clouds still hovered as if to assert their existence, just like our ego. The old buildings along the Dadar road felt as vintage as old wine and everything looked surreal. I closed my eyes and tried to feel the smell of earth around me. Earth looked like a newly wed beautiful bride in Green and one couldn’t help, but be blown by her beauty. Mumbai in the monsoons has to be seen, to be believed. I got down at Marine Drive and decided to have a stroll. It was amazing to see the fury of the seas. One can’t help, but realize how miniscule our lives and problems are, compared to eternal vastness of the universe. Philosophy and rains go hand in hand, I guess.

   And then, the unexpected happened. I saw her. She was facing the sea and despite the dark clouds, her face glowed. I was hit by the waves of Nostalgia and was being pulled towards her. I have no clear memories of what happened, as I was being pulled in to the past and in to her open arms. She got married 3 years back and for reasons known only to the both of us, it devastated me. We fought without any logic or reason, but we inherently knew that we were just fighting with our own inner selves. Now when I look back, I laugh at our immaturity in handling things. No matter how much I deny, it still brings a smile on my lips and I feel really blessed for whatever happened.

   The look at my angel brought a divine smile on my face and time ceased to exist. She was about a hundred meters away, but I could see that nothing much about her changed. Then something remarkable struck me - She was pregnant. I was happy beyond any measure, something which cannot be expressed in words by an ordinary soul like me. When I looked back at the bitterness of the ending, it felt senseless and miniscule. I was tempted to go, stand beside her and wait for her to react. Would she be happy seeing me? Does she even remember me? Only she can answer!

   Nothing in this world is random. Everything happens for a reason and every relation is constructed in heaven - with gods own hands. If only we could realize this and feel blessed, the world would be a much better place.

Prologue:-

   I walked towards her, stood beside her and gazed at the sea. She eventually saw me. What was her reaction? It’s anybody’s guess :)
 

New Moon..

The room was dimly lit and I was sitting beside the window soaking in the rays of the moon light. I felt a strange happiness and with the rays cleansing my soul, I was being transformed in to someone more beautiful and otherworldly. Who I was becoming, I could only surmise in retrospect. When I looked outside the window, everything around me was smiling at me and held its arms wide open to take me in. I felt a divine oneness with the universe and felt as pure as my mother’s smile. When I closed my eyes, I could feel her in my arms and wondered about the spell she was casting on me. The door creaked open (the sound was sweet) and came in the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I stopped breathing (forgot rather) and I could feel my soul leaving me and reaching out to her. Not wanting her feet to touch the ground, I advanced towards her, looked in to her eyes and lifted her in my arms.

“I can’t believe you are here, how can I be sure it’s not a dream?” said I to her. She smiled at me and then gently kissed my eyes. She then ran her fingers on my ears, gently moved her lips on them and whispered “I love you”. I could no longer feel anything and felt dreamy and lost. I then felt something as sweet as a honey pot and realized that her divine lips touched mine. If there was a bit of sanity still left in me after seeing her, I lost it then. I kissed her forehead and moved closer to her heart. I took a deep breath and felt her divine smell overpowering my senses. She then said to me – “Now that we have our senses filled with each other, do you still think it’s a dream?” I then gracefully bent on my knees and with arms wide open I said to her – “I want to live the dream for eternity and lose track of reality, would the angel give me company?” She came forward, took my head in her hands and pulled me closer to her. I held her tight and ran my fingers on her back trying to paint my thoughts. I think she understood the beauty of my thoughts and caressed me gently at first and restlessly as the moments passed. I got up slowly as if in a hypnotic state and savored every part of her on my ascent. I then lifted her (as I always do) and placed her gently on the bed right beside the window. The word beauty has to be redefined, if I had to describe the way she looked in the moonlight.

A flash of mischief crossed my mind and rolled myself besides her, caressing all the while. “I want to tie you up and want to see the uninhibited you. This way I would be able to see that part of you which asserts itself the most, would be thrilling!” - said I. She slapped me hard and before I could realize the force of it, she started kissing me passionately and I realized that this was her way of saying yes to my proposal. To show my gratitude, I decided to tie her with something I wore (But honestly, I guess it was more of an effort to show off my ripped bod!). Nature was a witness to what happened that night, am too human to write about the divinity of that day!

[Content censored for appropriate audience. Click here to view the content.]

Today was new moon and I realized that I was travelling back in time to that day, when we were together (or should I say ‘when we wanted to be with each other?’) This isn’t a dream, but rather something which happened in the past. She was beside me, but we weren’t together! I turned towards her and I still couldn’t stop smiling when I saw the angel sleep. With her lips twisted and her pink cheeks covering her eyes, it took an effort to abstain from kissing her! Some events have an irrevocable and everlasting effect on our lives and the very same people who were once so important in our lives, become mere mirages. You can only crave for them, but can never actually reach them. I firmly believe that when things take such a nasty turn, it’s better to stay apart than fall apart. With a heavy heart, I decided to move on and leave without a trace. She was as serene as a sleeping ocean and when I looked at her I could see my blues (unhappiness) reflect on her skin and couldn’t help smiling at the irony (aren’t oceans blue?). I decided to sail away, far away! I kissed her gently on the cheeks, placed the letter I wrote beside her (with the customary PS) and left with a heavy heart.

Drifting in my thoughts and killing the ghosts of the past, I reached the Railway Station. I felt alone in the middle of everybody and found everyone moving mechanically past me. They dint notice me and I started to wonder if I even existed! My mind liberated from its ostensibly ordinary fetters, felt liberated and at peace. With an unknown power guiding me, I got in to the train like a flying soul. I closed my eyes and my heart started to debate with my mind, about the state I found myself currently in. A few minutes passed and when I opened my eyes, I noticed that the train has started moving and with it came the sad realization that it was too late to do anything.

It was precisely at this moment, that I found that something was seriously wrong. I noticed that, I was stilling on the platform and the train was moving away. I was perplexed and before I could react, I found the touch of a familiar hand on my shoulders. I turned behind and there she was, with tears in her eyes. I stood mechanically and having lost control over myself I hugged her and cried. She took my hands in hers and said – “The tides have passed and the moon rises again in full bloom. It’s time we cleanse our souls in the heavenly blue rays and bask in the eternal glory”. Hand in hand, we went back home. It was full moon that day and it was no coincidence.

PS:-
In the above story can you be really sure if the train had left? Thoughts can defy logic and can cross boundaries. Close your eyes and stretch your hand, you may find him holding it. Belief and the power of your thoughts make it possible…

A Retrospective..

If there ever were two words which capture the essence of life in its entirety, it has to be these – ‘Shit Happens!’ You need not meditate in some god forbidden place and attain Nirvana to realize this. My life has been very innovative. It always had new tricks up its sleeve to kick my ass (not so royally) and taught me things, which I otherwise would have so gleefully ignored. Of course neither the experience nor the consequences are pleasant. Guru Dutt’s melancholy combined with Charles Dickens’s comic timing in the wake of tragedy would aptly portray the tsunami of my life’s emotions. But then the monkey in us kicks in (haven’t we call evolved from apes? :)) and we learn the lessons taught and decide to take life as it comes. Doesn’t mean you are freaking loser and have accepted things as they are. But, you have instead decided to get a kick (high) out of every kick delivered on the butt by life! As hard as I might have tried, I hope it doesn’t sound corny. It wasn’t meant to be :)

Three wonderful people (K, N and T) got married. Right now am excluding Saini from the list of wonderful people, as no dollars have yet been transferred to the offshore accounts (anyways, was he ever wonderful? :P). I always wondered why people took photographs during marriage and the only logical explanation (yes, I think too!) my mind could give me was that, it would serve as the evidence of the Carnage called ‘Marriage’. But after looking at them, the opinion changed for the better :)

‘Onsite’ is one term which has been flirting with Manav for a long time (It chose to ignore me for reasons whatsoever). And then there comes the pertinent question - ‘Is that really that important for you to go onsite to prove yourself?’ But the very douchebag’s, who have asked this question, know the answer better. Nevertheless as I write this, he is already nailing that bitch (onsite) As of me, I am living in fantasies. Imagine having to work at Milan (Italy) with Fashion TV as your client and you having to interact with the models there for your requirements (I couldn’t as yet, conjure what they could be) Sound’s good, isn’t it? :)

Let me talk about relationships and Love. I fully understand that you presume, I’d be the last person on the planet (animals included) competent enough to write on this. But nevertheless, let me give a try. 'Love and relationships' are the most underrated, yet THE most powerful word’s ever known to man. May be I am underrating it again, these are not words, it’s a concept. It’s a concept which millions before me have tried to understand, only to realize later that it’s not meant to be understood. It is the most basic and simplest of all feelings experienced by anyone who ever walked this earth. If it’s that simple and most basic, why is it eluding so many of us? Is it like the vast pool of water in the Ocean which is all pervasive, but cannot quench our thirst? Then again as I say “In being simple lies the ultimate complexity!” Quite a Paradox, but that’s how it is!

Imagine you sitting on the shore with someone (don’t visualize him, he’s just anybody) with his arms around your shoulders in an island with no one around. The only things you are able to hear are the waves hitting the shores and the silence of your thoughts. Silence fills your ears unlike nothing else. You are happy and content, with no thought for the morrow. He turns towards you with his dreamy eyes, runs his ears softly around your ears and gently whispers – I Love you. He then carries you in his arms and walks in to the sea. Paint this scenario in the canvas called your imagination and think of a person, who moulds himself in to the one you have just seen. It’s quite possible that you may not know him, may not be the person who thinks you are in love with or have never seen him before. Wouldn’t this make us feel blessed, content and in love with life? On the same hand, It would make us unhappy if we try to fit someone forcefully in to the dreamy character. That character could be someone physical like a friend, a childhood crush or could be just your life. We just need to give ourselves some space, love would nurture itself. Problem is our canvas is full of weird and complex paintings and there is no room for imagination.

I know, I have been ranting all through, posting incoherent and unrelated thoughts as they cross my mind. Aren’t thoughts like that or is it just mine? Again, it’s anybody’s guess.

PS:-
It’s with a lot of apprehension that I am publishing this and I have decided not to write for a long time to come (not that anyone would miss it). For now, am off to my Den to hibernate..

Rendezvous with the past..

There are some feelings hidden deep inside me, buried in the sands called time, some so deep that I don’t remember them anymore. Some of them, I don’t want to and I don’t dare to introspect. It’s like a volcano which could erupt anytime and whom is it going to engulf apart from me is my biggest worry. There are certain feelings and certain thoughts, which were once my life and I couldn’t for a split second imagine my life without them. But how times change!

Imagine racing ahead on the road called life. In the start, everything looks so beautiful and seems like a roller coaster ride. But in the process of racing ahead and the adamant focus on reaching the destination, we miss certain moments in the voyage and when we look back in the rear view mirror we can only see distant images of people/moments whom we missed enroute. Or even sad, the mirror is broken and the distant Images are now just aberrations. We can’t drive back and so we decide to halt and cherish those Images, which are now mere blemishes. But life has to go on, it’s meant to be that way.

But what is the driving force for the sudden gush of feelings which threaten to engulf me? No matter how much I deny, it has always been and would always be “She...” How I wish I could get back to those good old times, with She by my side. When every guitar chord strummed was to touch her heart, waking up every morning was an excuse to see her and when I ceased to be myself and was becoming what she wanted me to be. I can visualize lying in her lap, and she moulding my heart at will. Irony is she is able to mould it so easily, because the look in to her eyes melted my heart and made me oblivious to any pain inflicted upon me. Now only the marks are left and the pain is sweet.

I still think of her every day, should I say every minute? Been 6 years since she left, rather left me, alas. She was happy as usual, but I could see the pain in her eyes. She always said I couldn’t see the obvious, but had this uncanny ability to see what’s hidden. What she dint know was that, this was painful. She looked in to my eyes intently and asked – “Do we need to talk?” These words of her made me furious and I shrieked – “Don’t YOU need to talk?”. Now I realize, I wasn’t shouting at her, I was shouting at my helplessness and at everything about myself. I think she understood, kissed me on the forehead and left. For the first time I felt she was devastated, her lips were trembling. That was the last kiss and the last glimpse of her.

[This part was the most painful to write. A lot of things happened, which are beyond any words. So I better leave it.]

Years have passed, but the memories are still intact – as fresh and as pure as SHE ever was. I decided to meet her and fill my senses with her purity. Why now? She was the reason of my existence and I decided “I don’t need a reason to meet my reason!” After this I felt liberated from everything including myself and felt at peace. I decided to meet her on the most important day of my life – “Her Birthday”. The day after which, I was no longer me. Should I say “The death of me”! So 23rd was the day I decided.

The next 2 days were a blur and I wasn’t sure if the days have passed, because I didn’t live them. I boarded the flight to Pune on the afternoon of 23rd and I was literally flying high. I carried a pair of clothes, her favorite after shave and the Guitar. Nothing else, No not even me. I have already reached mentally, transported in time. I planned to reach her office and take her away from everything including herself (although for a few hours). That’s enough for me to replay these moments in the Projector of my mind and get lost in them. Does she remember me? Would it be awkward for her to see me?

Pushing aside all these thoughts with all my might, I dialed her number. Time ceased to exist, I hoped she dint pick the phone. I was being stupid. Click and then the voice came “Hello…” Trembling (with my lips too close to the receiver) I said – “Do we need to talk?”

“Where the hell are you?” she shrieked. It sounded deathly sweet to me. “With you” said I. After an eternal pause, she said – “Wont you ever change?” and laughed. With that all the pain I have ever endured seemed miniscule and her laughter filled my senses and thoughts. “Hey girl, Can you come down for me. I am waiting outside your office” said I.

Click and she hung up. There I was with the Guitar over my Shoulders, waiting for everything with all emptiness in my heart. After what seemed like an eternity, I could see an Angel walking towards me, as graceful as a peacock can ever aspire to be. Tears started dripping down by cheeks and blurred my vision. I wiped my tears frantically, for I could not afford to lose the sight of her, even for a split second. It was like the touch of a mother’s hand on the forehead of a dying son, breath of fresh air for a drowning person gasping for breath and a sip of water for a dying solider. I broke down.

“What have you done to yourself” She said painfully and took my hands in hers. She hasn’t changed a bit, the twinkle in her eyes, the smile on the lips and her big ear rings. It was all the same. Those big ear rings of hers made me go crazy and play with them. I could play with her ears the whole day and get lost in deafening silence of the Chhan Chhan.

“I am going to take you out girl, Now don’t say no” said I. With that she got her bike and for a change she made me drive. It was getting dark and we were lost in our words as I drove. She held me tight and leaned on my shoulders. I could feel her warm breath and I was no longer driving, I was just flying.

What happened next was something I couldn’t have conjured ever. I could see everything transforming itself as though I was travelling back in time. Things were nothing more than a blur and suddenly I realize that everything around has changed to what it was like 6 years ago, when she left me. A deep pain, A deep realization that this was a dream was hitting me and I dint dare to open my eyes. I could still feel her holding me tight and as the minutes passed, I could feel her arms tightening around me and felt breathless. I dint complain, I knew this was death. I always wanted to die in her arms.

PS:-
I died the moment she left me, I realized. I was only living it again. Life is an experience, Death is also an experience. None live to tell the tale though.

She and me..

It was a chilly wintry evening in the month of December and with a stroke of luck I was back home early. For reasons only known to me, I often enjoyed the stint with my “Tanhayee”. It helped me reflect on my inner thoughts and more often than not, to let myself engage with the dark thoughts of mine. Sometimes you just need to escape from everything around you, including yourself, to be yourself. Quite a paradox, but such is life! I am successful and happy in my own little way, but what thoughts and from whom I am trying to run away? No one knows. No, not even me.

I lurked around lazily and aimlessly in the living room, enjoying my stint with nothingness. I stared at myself in the mirror and I could feel the hunger and darkness in those dark black eyes of mine. What was I craving for and what darkness was lurking in those eyes, I never dared to introspect. It was like looking in to someone else’s eyes whom you met for the very first time, but deep inside, you inherently know, you have know him since eternity. I couldn’t hold my gaze and instantly looked away. Maybe, trying to escape from myself.

I switched on the Music and decided to have a shave. Most men are lazy enough not to shave and I am no different. But it can sometimes be exotic and pampers my masculinity. David Gilmour was singing in the background - “Wish you were here...” A gush of emotions overflowed and threw me in to the depths of an often experienced, but unknown emotion. Pink Floyd does this to you.

How I wished she was here, I thought. She was the reason of my life, beauty of my thoughts and my emotional counterpart. No, I don’t wish to name the relation. Whatever it is, it is. Met her for the last time 2 years ago. Spoke to her only occasionally after that and more often than not there was a deafening silence on the phone. When you talk to your inner self, you don’t speak, but you only try to feel it and be in oneness with it. It was the same way with her.

She was coming to meet me today after 2 long years. She called me the previous day and told me that she was coming to meet me. Great, was all I managed to utter and I am not sure if she was able to decipher what I said. I could sense a pain and longing in her voice, which could very well be a speck of my imagination. Sometimes the feelings we try to hide, we try to find them in others. She intrigued me again as she always did, which I found so very irresistible.

Yanking away all my thoughts I finished off my shave and had a warm shower. After much thought, I wore a Kurta and Jeans to look as casual as possible. I lay on the bed thinking about her and drifted in to a web of complex and interwoven thoughts. I woke up with a thud to a ringing door bell, feeling soulless and weak. I wondered if would be able to get up and open the door. What if I couldn’t and she left? What if she played a prank and never came? Pushing aside all my thoughts with all my might, I got up and took one last look at myself in the mirror. Not bad, I thought. As if walking in a dream, I reached for the door. There she was, standing right outside the door. I am at a short of words to express the way I felt at the moment. Timeless and as charming as death, there she was, for me.

“Bastard, won’t you ask me to come in?” said she and punched me in my stomach. “Your punch landed way too below my tummy. Was that really your target?” said I. We laughed uncontrollably after that and in an instant all my inhibitions about what time does to relations were washed away. I held her hand and took her in.

“How are you?” said she and this time I could really feel the pain in her voice.

“Just the way you left me” said I.

“So you are still the chronic flirt I know “– said She.

“Yes, it’s just that now I flirt with my thoughts. Still think of you, feel you every moment and as the days pass by I feel you closer than ever. It’s like everything around me, including me are going ahead, but our thoughts are stagnant and eternal, smiling at everyone racing ahead.” -said I, as a matter of fact.

“These thoughts of yours make you really special and irresistible” – said she and then we were lost in our talk. It was 8 in the evening and we decided to have a stroll in the Balcony. We stood there for a long time looking beyond the hills and trees, beyond everything. There was a chill in the air and a cool breeze flowed, freezing our thoughts. I caught a glimpse of her and could see a few strands of hair falling on her face. I gently stroked her cheek and pushed aside the strands. She smiled at me and said – “You haven’t changed a bit.” I smiled and drew in to the comforting fold of her arms.

[Content censored for appropriate audience. Please click here to view the censored content.]

We lay in each other’s arms the whole night and spoke of nothing. We felt a complete oneness with each other and everything around us. We dint care if there was a tomorrow, there never was. We just dint care.

Prologue:-
She left me the next day, of course without any promise of coming back. I never expected anything, because I knew I would be meeting her in my thoughts again. Was this a thought as well? May be, I don’t know.

Interpreter of dreams

It would have been just another day, if not for one remarkable reason. It was on this very day that I saw her for the first time and It only took me a minute to decide- “This is what I have been waiting all my life and "THIS IS IT" I swore, perhaps presumptuously”. What happened next was something I could not have conjured even in the wildest of my dreams.

She was advancing gracefully towards me. As the angel came closer I was awestruck, my heart refused to beat and mind-body coordination was no more. The only reason I managed to hang on was because my mouth was wide open (perhaps in awe) and this helped to seep in whatever little oxygen was available. She drew closer to me and I saw the angel clearly for the first time.

Images of my life when I was dejected and down played on the projector of my mind and I thought “I could happily endure all those dejections and disappointments not just once but a zillion times, just to have this one moment with her!” Unconsciously tears started dripping down my cheeks blurring my vision. I panicked and frantically started wiping my tears, for I could not afford to take my eyes off her even for a split second. I looked in to her eyes intently trying to capture this very moment and lock it in my sub consciousness mind (kal ho Na ho). She continued to look in to my eyes, her face motionless as though she had been hypnotised.

And then the unexpected happened. She held my face in her hands and I could feel my skin melting under her hands. She kissed me and whatever little oxygen was available, now completely evaded me! I don’t have words to describe the way I felt at the moment. A wave of contentment washed over me. It was like being on the cloud nine to say the least and I came to the following conclusions:-

1. I wouldn’t care if I die the next minute, for this life was worth the moment with her.
2. No matter what I have to endure, if there is life it’s with her and for once I couldn’t think of an alternative.

It was then that she said something, Words which would be etched in my mind forever. “Would you be mine” was what she said. Every letter of her struck my subconscious with such brutal force that I was no longer able to comprehend things clearly. I desperately tried to say yes, but I couldn’t even open my mouth and no words came out. She empathised, painfully looked in to my eyes and said – “I am death. Do you want to come with me”? I shrieked “Yes” without a second thought and then felt something hard on my head. I blissfully drifted to unconsciousness - in to her open arms of death.

Epilogue:-
I woke up with a thud next morning and felt as though a heavy log was placed on my head. Then the obvious hit me – “I was dreaming!” Then I thought death isn’t so painful and this realization reaffirmed the obvious.

Try to replace death with the beautiful woman in the above scenario and everything would fit in so perfectly. May be this is how death is – “So inviting, so promiscuous, so surreal and yet so attractive!”

PS:-
It was emotionally draining for me to write this and am drifting back to sleep now, trying to find my angel :) . This is entirely a work of fiction or rather mindless ramblings of an ailing Software engineer :P